Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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