he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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