That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we should paint friendship bongs
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