Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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