Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
