if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
