I am in a vortex of obligation.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
