im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
