i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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