Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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