i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize