Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
