Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
