She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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