I just saw a hot homeless man
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
