Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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