He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize