it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
