thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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