every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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