Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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