i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's rum buckets o'clock
I could fuck to npr.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
