I don't usually arrange sex via text message
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize