I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do vagina's smell?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
