didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
