So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
