I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
