She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
