Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
