Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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