this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
