So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
