what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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