Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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