youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
