After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
