Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
