if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
