i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
