just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
