So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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