he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
