What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
