just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
