he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
