Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
