Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
