haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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