i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
