I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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