It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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