he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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