shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
