So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
