You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
