We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
