Just cropdusted the office
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
