Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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