he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize