i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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