He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
