i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
