We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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