you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
