having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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