her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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