I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were trust falling into bushes
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