You really coming over, don't trick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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