just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
