just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize