girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
